I feel a zillion times better when I'm at school much thanks to my dear classmates. They're always smiling. Love em'

As soon as I reach home however, I'd start thinking of Fad and feel bitter all over again. Duh I can't help it. The first blog link I have been clicking on is fad's blog, and I'll read her late blog posts over and over again. I spent the whole time reading her blog posts this morning during Excel class. I can't help crying my eyes out again and again. Dear Huiwen was able to make me feel much better a mere three seconds after I called her last night though. Thank you darling. And everyone else who's concerned for me. =)

How I wish it isn't true. I just can't believe she's gone. I don't wish to believe it. Can I choose not to accept it, and believe she's actually on a holiday, and she'll be back soon?

EWWW my puppy stinks like hell. I feel like pukingggg

I lost one of my closest friends, Fadinah. She left us peacefully in her sleep yesterday morning.
Since secondary school, she has had an extra vessel in her heart sending irregular pulse rates occasionally. She told us the doctor did warn that its fatal. We all told her she'll be fine after the op. But her op's date never surfaced due to her school commitment, the op date clashed with her exams' date.

She was a fabulous friend with an incredible laughter we all love. She's this, crazy, happy girl. Not forgettin her don't-mess-with-me attitude. Her curly wild hair, her hysterical laughter, her naturally looks-like-trimmed eyebrows distinguishes her. She is simply irreplaceable.

She would often confide in me about relationships. And how she wasn't able to get along with several of her classmates. Sometimes I'd find it infuriating when she goes on and on but I can't do much to help her. But now, its too late and I can't do anything anymore.

It was so sudden, so unexpected. She still had many plans for her future. She was aiming for the U and just got herself promoted to her third year in MI. I remember her texting me when she received her results; she was crying. Tears of joy, I told her. and promised to go shopping with her soon. Just 2 days ago she rang me up, and told me she bought a bangle for me. She says she knows what type I prefer: the colour orange and a beachy style. The following day, she bugged me to meet up so she could pass me the bangle and shop. But I didn't want to meet her cos I had to study. I'm never going to see her again now. :'(

She very much looked forward to her birthday, which is on the 15 Dec. but she never did. She was dying to turn 18 and had made plans to go clubbing, she wouldn't stop ranting about it. She was enthusiastic about assisting in arranging a birthday party on my birthday too. She wanted to help me ensure the food's halal for her.

I read this from her blog and felt so bitter :

Okkkkkkk so i got promoted. This calls for a partayyyyyy!!! Hahaha! That means my parents will allow me to have sleep-overs, stay out abbbbbit later than usual and haha! My basshhhhh!!! Hahahahaa!!!! Oh my god!! I can't wait lah! Yes, Kellyn's partay!! Can't waaaaaittt!!


She was such a happy girl... Another of Fadinah's biggest desires was to set up a biz blog. She wanted to start on a joint venture with Charmaine and I. She had a superb talent along with her excellent taste in accessories. She loves butterflies and vintage. She would buy the raw 'materials' and make her own necklaces, with intention to sell them. And those maryjanes she drew, she was a very talented girl.

Fadinah, Charmaine and I would call ourselves KFC because KelFadChar. She was truly one of my best and closest girlfriend whom I love so dear.
There's so much pain my heart its hurts so bad. I thought I've cried the most I ever had last night but this pain is indescribable. My heart and chest is aching. My eyes are sore and jaw hurts from constantly gritting my teeth. I want to scream aloud and weep my guts out. I wish she was still around..

When I watched the japanese serial One Litre of Tears, I was afraid to experience the torment of the lead actress' loved ones when she passed away. Now I feel the pain and it is unbearable. Fadinah is much too young, and it was so sudden! I miss her so much. As others said perhaps God loves her more than we do. And that she's somewhere beautiful now..


If I could have my birthday wish... I'd wish that Fadinah is brought back to life.

My birthday's this comin 12 Nov, I shall be thick skinned and post this up. My list of stuff I'd like to receive. *winks*

Budget-less items:

1) Eau de Toilette. Preferably Nina Ricci's Nina(click for image).

2) A casual dress

3) alice nine's cd. =D i am so mad over a9 that i put their lead singer's pic at the end of a powerpoint presentation i did for school. to spread the loveeeeeeee of alice nine! ahahahaa

4) A pair of heels. though i just got pink peep toes. but women can never get enough of heels. ahem. Besides, I MUST wear heels when I'm out. cos I happen to be farking short. -__-

5) Coloured contact lens. Any colour would do. L:275 R:475

6) A bikini. My yellow bikini bottom got stained. D:

And lastly,

7) Some linglinglonglongs to embellish my new W850. The phone's white in colour, so anything would match it. No bells, nor furry puffballs.

Thats all I can think of at the moment, I get the feelin they're subject to changes. Women, always fickle-minded. tee hee

Heard from my dad last night that back in his juvenile days, a prostitute lived opposite his family in his kampong. One day the prostitude moved out/got raid. can't remember which was it. So my dad and his friends went over to rummage through their remnants. Upon probing, their eyes chanced onto chocolates. They were elated, but after opening them, those "chocolates" turned out to be condoms disguised as chocolates; enclosed in chocolate wrappers. lol. My father and his friends were intrigued thinking they had found a new toy. They proceeded to play with the condoms in all sorts of ways - they filled the condoms up with water, hung them onto a tree and used a their catapults to hit them. o_O

I've forgotten the rest but I remember myself laughing hysterically as my dad told them to us. haha

My brother says that during field camp, they use condoms to contain their water FOR CONSUMPTION. They claim their water bottles are even dirtier than the condoms. OMFG. I couldn't be more repulsed. Downing water immersed with lubricant?? EWW

It struck me that my birthday's in less than a month. teehee. I'm turning 18. incredibly late though, compared to many of the friends. Bah. Oh, what I really want to receive would be a pair of heels. Then again, I'd appreciate anything from my friends.
Presence matters more than presents. heh

I am SO lazy to blog. Shall watch an episode of Goong and hit the sack

Regarding the previous post, I really take no interest in either of them. lol, I'm still in contact with the both of them. as friends. Or maybe in the mean time I should start replying Guy no. 1's smses and date him. He'd be delightfully thrilled and continue paying for me. See, its a win-win situation. HAHA

Replies to tags:

huiwen: lol, fractionate my flings and yours, mine could well be reduced down to zero. lol, its funny? quit laughing at reeve. LOL. you dare claim i'm mean. who's the one laughing? LOL. and yeah, i am ignoring the flirt okay. then again mayb he's not a flirt. he seems innocent! rmb i was chatting with u on msn earlier while i was in class? he was beside me introducing funny websites to me. haha

Elaine: lol, pity i don't have feel anything for him

nictong: hahahahhha. nic you're so funny. vivocity is too freakin' packed. ahaha YESH he IS boring. he's too quiet. i should 'use' him/his cash while i find someone better. HAHAHha

F.A.D. inah: hahaha okay. and yeah, i know i'm a vainpot. LOL! hey, someone else here loves camwhoring too okay.

lenie: leNie!! haha yepp. audition!

sheryl: lol neither do i. hey sher, whats your blog link?

Dino: hahahahaha yes and especially guys to do with........teehee. we are zee independent women. nah shan't contemplate either of them. I choose YOU dino! i love YOU!

Le Raine: YES they're crappy huh. lol. i am enjoying single life actually. i miss you!

adrian: thanks! nooo i'm not havin problems currently. will call you yes i will. i miss suntannin

****bag: HAHAHAHAH you can have him, Mr-I-paint-my-nails.

xuan: tee hee yep.. see ya around in sch! ;)

yinie: hahahha yesh

If you're given the choice between 2 guys, which would appeal more to you? One's the all decent, bespectacled, ready-to-please guy who tries so hard to ensure you're happy when you're out with him.

The second one's a typical casanova. He's good looking, clubs, and certainly doesn't try too hard on a single girl. On his second sms he's ever sent you, he gives you his blog link and you find out he asks for girls' numbers like his life depends solely on that. Informing you that you're not special, and simply one of his other "preys".

They both asked me out today, but I said no. (ima nerd, i wanna stay home to do my report)

Yes, Guy no. 1 is undoubtedly nice, sweet and all. But he doesn't appeal much to me, he's not this, excellent at english, quick witted, dashing guy who'd daringly poke fun at me. He's shy and doesn't have the guts to tease me, he's just so worried he'll turn me off that he cautiously calculating his every move. He asks if its okay if I give him my number, and if it'd be okay for us to go out again. And he used the term DATE.

Omfg, how intimidating. I hardly remember how does a date go now. I don't really know how it works or how should I behave infront of future-potential-boyfriends-to-be. Firstly, its been a loooooooong time. Secondly, I met the ex flings at the club where things happen so quickly. too quickly, no flirting is involved, no batting of eyelids nor tilting your head back and playing with your hair sexily required. Before you even know the guy's name, he's all over you. And within 2 days, wham, the guy's off on another girl's back. Can I now say that I'm new to this, dating scheme?

When I consulted a gf abt Guy no. 2, she immediately striked him off The Eligible List and told me to ignore his sms asking if I am 18. Gosh, whats this impression he's leaving? Is he asking me out to club just so he can make his move then dump me and add me to his collection of flings? But later in the night I replied his sms with a simple 'Nah' and he quickly replied that he actually wanted to catch The Departed with me the next day, but its M18.

The first time i spoke to Guy no. 2, he appeared rather, cute and innocent! He spoke to me about school issues and questioned what cca did I join back in secondary school. He even gave suggestions that I join a cca in poly; something that I'm good at. When he asked me for my number I was stunned, I even wondered if he was asking for my admin. number! (thats just how new i am). Now WHAT IN THE WORLD would he want my admin. no. for? LOL. I felt he was attentive since he helped me look for my class (ima road idiot) and walked me back to class. He even made a pact with me to walk me to my class the next week as well. But when I poked into his blog and friendster, I instantly knew he was a player. He had abundant pictures of him with his arm around different girls at a club. Despite that, you now know that he has the experience, AND the looks.

Not that Guy no. 1 lacks the experience, he does know how to take the initiative. He drove me home, and paid for me the whole of last night. I never had to dig my hand into my purse. the only time i did was when my mobile shamelessy rang aloud in the midst of our movie. I'd forgotten to turn silent mode on. *smacks forehead* And, he uses the blardy annoying tokyo drift song which i oh-so much hate! But when I told him i hated it, as expected, he tried to keep me from hearing it and would try muffle the sound each time he received a text. Which were futile efforts apparently, I would literally see through it each time he presses his phone against his thigh. So I said to him, that he should just change his ringtone. And guess what? He did.

Replies to tags:

Elaine: lol, i'd only eat almond longan rmb? so nice must savour ma. lol. after my microbio test this thurs we shall go out! (:

cinddys: hiakhiakhiak

leniE: hehe, you're cute 24-7. hey, arigato!! okay i don't know how to say thank you in korean. you jiayous for the micrb test too! i wanna watch Goong! hahhahahaha YES prease pinch jason more. heh heh heh

****bag: err, *rolls eyes* i believe i mentioned, the right guy. lol. you are more narcissist than any of the girls in the class OKAY. you visit the toilet more than us, and you visit it just to do your hair lo! lol

adrian: YOOO. MUCH MISSES! (:

Right, here's the pic of Vivicity that I promised Yinie. hehe. nice place, but there's nothing much to do there, though. its still so darn new. As i was seating on the sofa at GV, men were carrying more sofas from the store to align them next to the one I was seated on. o_O

I renamed the folder containining all my self shots from 'me' to 'there's nothing wrong with narcissism'. lol ;)














And i simply adore the pic of mich & i that i jus edited.

I really like listening to Pu Tong Peng You by David Tao. its so soothing to the ears.

Have been asked how many kids do I wish to have in future. wow, what an ambitious thought. I'm unable to even imagine myself being married. what makes me so sure i'd be able to find the right guy, eventually have sex and give birth?

At the same time, there's the financial burden. Know what? I shan't have too many kids in future so that i can keep my money for myself. hahahaa. but, having said that, I received a tongue lashing from nicholas claiming that I'm disgusting. lol.

Those thoughts of marriage and kids, still seem so far away, unapproachable; almost daunting. I now find relationships intimidating. I don't want to have to please, or to be controlled. Neither do i want to feel the fear or losing him, or the fear of hurting him. I don't want to have to b afraid. There's just too many factors about a relationship that'll defnitely pose a threat to my social life. Firstly, I will lose my freedom. Secondly, I musn't lose contact with any of my best friends just cos' I always have my boyfriend by my side. I'll constantly have to try to please him, and wreck my brains on what to get him for our anniversary. I know these are supposed to come naturally since we're all oh-so blissfully in love. But these tire me, after a while. and eventually I grow bored of the relationship. I have friends who have themselves fallen into the trap-of-love. they are hooked onto their relationships and are unable to let go. They squabble with their partners countlessly and break down each time. Losing their partners is equivalent to losing themselves whole. sheesh. I don't wish for that to happen to me.

But then again, if the right guy does come along some day, I'd still may give him the green light. ;)

I'm guilty of almost entirely losing contact with a very very close girlfriend. till I recently smsed her to ask her out, and her reply sounded gleeful and that she misses me loads. =D thought her other totally more-fun, party-goer girlfriend successfully replaced me already or somethin.

My puppy's pokin his wet nose into my bag. There's so much more to say but I've gotta go do my report and maths tutorials. ciao.

I suddenly remembered out of the blue that when I was much younger, I once saw a cockroach getting comfortable on the floor of my house. Horrified, I quickly ran off and scribbled on a piece of paper, 'Beware! there's a cockroach under this paper!' or somethin close to that. and ran back to where the cockroach was to lay the paper on top of him. With a sense of accomplishment, I chuckled to myself thinking that now, no one would accidentally step on the cockroach, nor freak out if he/she sees him because, there's already a warning - MY warning! LMAO. i remember going back to my 'warning' to check on the little pest several hours later. I lifted the paper up and HEY, much "to my astonishment", the cockroach was GONE. how f-ing dumb my childhood days were.

Was discussing with huiwen a night ago, on how immature and ignorant we kids were back in sec 4 and yet we were made to choose our future; the course to enrol into in poly. When I was still in secondary school, I never knew the meaning of studying. I just studied for the sake of studying and because my mum tells me to. Even up till secondary 4, I was still blindly attending school. I didn't realise that our teacher's naggings for entirely for OUR own future and not because she's a nasty old hag suffering from PMS every fucking day and loves to step on our tail all the time. Okay so i failed d Os once, and thought that was the hard final slap i needed to wake up from my deep deep sleep. So i retook my O levels and wasted a year, with a heavy heart. After which however, i felt was really worth the time cos I passed the Os on the second attempt, pretty well infact. And, i made many great new friends in the midst of retaining. The worse part however, is that I didn't have a clue on what i wanted to be in future at all. I liked drawing but i can't ever go far designing, unless I became famous. I didn't have the guts to take up Media studies since my english isn't all that superb. The only other thing i thought of was science, because i faired well for science and somehow, school of chemical life science seemed appealing and i'd say, high-ranked, compared to engineering or design. Also, business studies was considered saturated. I could have entered a JC, but upon hearing how tough it was compared to poly, i'd rather enrol into a polytechnic because it seemed cooler, easier, plus, i can wear nicenice clothes to school. And now, only when i have enrolled into the science course, THEN i realise its not really somethin i'd want. Like i've said i DON'T want to fucking work in the lab looking into the microscope 24-7 and inventing the next strawberry pocky-flavoured essence to add into your agaragar.

Why is it that we are made to choose our career path at the age of 16? Infact, 14. at sec 2 you'd be choosing your stream right? well, if you wanted to be a doctor but didn't do well enough to take triple science, there goes your dream, ditto. Okay make that age 13; sec 1. Cos thats when you start to study. At that age, we wouldn't know a thing about the working world out there, it only seemed far away. we'd probably just follow our friends into the D&T/combined science stream and end up regretting, though already having narrowed our once-bright future. we were far too, immature. Oblivious. Unready. Honestly. I only wish i had grown up faster.

Replies to tags:

****bag: -.- YOU stfu. ahh, thanks for sending me homeeee. you know i love you too. ugh can't believe i just typed that.

Le Raine: lol a giraffe is indeed uncommon. hmmm but i dunno how to draw a giraffe man! i drew my "monkey", but it turned out unidentifiable. o_O

ChiLLi PaDDie: HAHAHAHAHHHA i can't believe you thought Lajie was sylvester sim. HAHAHA they look nothing alike, jie. i am too direct? lol where got. prease fight for yourself in d office! haha.

cindyys: i've updated!

F.A.D. inah: try to prioritise and focus, you can do it! take a step at a time alright. :))

lEnie: ahahahaahahah YEAH..!! the big nose and all. o_O

-BEL: jiejie is so cuuuuuuuuute. love him.

huiwen: i don't care, i've gotta meet you more now. D:

Was having a chat with Noor earlier about our new jolly cppb lecturer. I started to mention the formal report and a tremendous wave of guilt swept over me. i was thinkin about the bad experience YY probably had with me in her group last semester. well thats cos i hardly did anything for our reports. neither did our other 2 group members and we left everything to be done by YY herself. earlier durin cppb lesson YY, my group member, was complaining about the reports to be done per lab lesson. she said she hated report writing (which is normal, who'd like report writing?) and that she's worried she has to 'one-man-show-again. that hit my conscience hard. i recalled how last semester YY had a tough time battling the reports entirely on her own. and all thanks to her sole-ly reports, i had managed to pass my cppa paper.

I have to say I've learnt my lesson from the last semester because apparently, i never worked hard and my results proved it. a gpa of 2. while the friends who were obviously more hardworking, had a gpa of at least 3.3. it shows, blatantly. For this semester i'd seriously have to buck up. i have to i have to i have to. Well, i've been doing up my tutorials efficiently and I've made it a point to file them up. Lets hope this attitude lasts.

hehe.. and YY, i've long wanted to both thank you and apologise at the same time... so... THANK YOU AND SORRY! i'll work harder on the reports this sem! :)

I've attended the first GEM lesson and was immediately shoved an assignment - draw on an A3 size drawing block, an animal doing something. ANYTHING. and it must be big, filling up at least 3 quarts of the drawing block. tough eh? i chose Designing Cartoons and Animation for Games as my module for this semester and i am thoroughly relishing it. thats cos' i love drawing. i always had a passion for drawing, cartoons, that is. i can't draw anything else. lol. Throughout the lesson i was kept entertained by frantically drawing hard when he tells us too. As well as watching the lecturer draw cartoon-ish animals totally impromptu. he hardly had to wreck his brains to kick up a bear with fangs and neat long claws. along with a cloak draped over its shoulders. The lecturer is a superb artist; he showed us an art piece of his and it was brilliant. it was nicely painted using Photoshop(yes, i'll soon learn that too!) and it looked good enough to be framed up. Geez, i wish i had such talent. Our lecturer wants us to learn and draw images which are abstract in a way, he doesn't just want a normal picture of an animal, it needs a twist of imagination and creativity, so that the picture turns out ironic. During class, he even thought of drawing a psychotic rabbit with an eye sticking out. o_O

I've been wrecking my brains over the weekend on what to draw. its due this friday. My lecturer suggested out-of-the-world stuff such as a G.I Jones bear holding a gun, or a cat drowning. Apparently he likes torturing animals. o_O the first animal that came to my mind was a cat, naturally. my favourite animal is the cat. cat applying makeup? then there's the dog; since the dog's men's best friend. an image of a frog looking through a magnifying glass brushed across my mind. i soon figured that the cat applying makeup would be far too feminine and as anthony mentioned, and my lecturer wouldn't appreciate that. lol. so i've decided to take anthony's and glen's suggestion to "draw like peaceful animal, holding violent weapons?". I shall... sketch a monkey holding a chain saw. I'm trying to make some progress now, browsed for some pictures of a chainsaw. cos' apparently i have no idea how to draw a chainsaw. if possible if the pic turns out nice i'd post it up. wish me luck! ;)

Gonna go look for a fruit to gobble up now, have a craving for something sweet. I just realised that earlier on the way home with glen and cindy, i couldn't shut my mouth for a single second. i kept talking and talking and talking and yakking and yakking yakking on.. yakkidyyak yakkity yak. SERIOUSLY. amazingly neither glen nor cindy got annoyed and screamed, 'sheesh what will it take for this biatch to shut the hell up??'. lol okay waaaaaaaay off point.